Michelle,
Ever since you mentioned that you were going to tell a story about your trip to Italy, I’ve been fascinated. I want to go to Italy so badly… I was supposed to go this fall with some friends, and it fell through… Someday…someday… in the meantime, I plan to live vicariously through your story, so I’m excited to see what images/audio/video you use!
As I’ve already commented on your proposal and your first pass, I’m going to look at your second pass today. I’ve already read it twice, and I love your use of pictures. I swear, just the image of the bread evokes the scent. I have to laugh at your description of the toilets. I went to Japan a few years ago, and I remember my shock at what they called a toilet… sounds exactly like your “two elevated blocks with a drain hole in between”… now, try doing that on a moving train!!! Not fun. Ha.
I love the images of the flowers and scenery for Day 3. Everything just looks so beautiful! I also appreciate the images for Day 4, especially the salad and the pizza. This way, we Americans can get a better idea of the differences in our food names vs. ‘true’ Italian food.
I wish on Day 7 that you would have even just captioned each image to tell us what it was and what it meant to you.
So far, I think you’ve stayed very true to your original plan in your proposal. The cultural differences are clear and your way of explaining them is great. I especially like when you use images to show those differences.
I really have nothing to say “to make it better” because I think it’s wonderful so far. I’m really looking forward to seeing what it becomes as you add audio/video!
Marisa
Your travelogue was fun to read and I liked the way your broke the story down into Days 1-8, identifying the locations where the events occurred. Having spent time in Italy myself, your story brought back a lot of good memories and it was like reading the diary I kept when I toured Western Europe several years ago. Your use of “Ahhh” and “Urgh” not only added a tone of fun to the story but also succinctly described your reactions to different places and things.
Recommendations: Provide us with some background information on yourself and Thane and also identify your relationship with Thane. I would also include as many pictures as possible of you (and Thane) in the locations described. If possible, replace the clip art with photographs to maintain a consistency in the type of illustrations you use. Also, use only images that reinforce the locales you visited – for example, replace the picture of the bowl of salad with a picture of you eating the salad at an Italian eatery, and replace the picture of the white sneakers with a picture of you in the sneakers standing out in a crowd of people wearing dark clothing and footwear.
For Pass 4, one interactive element could be links to websites that provide more information about the places you visited, like the Coliseum and Vatican City. Since your story is in MS word, you could use the Comments feature to imbed information on recommended restaurants and hotels in each city named.
Very well done! Your story provided me with more information on what to realistically expect on a trip to Italy than Hawthorne’s “The Marble Faun,” which I have relied on so heavily. The fact that your story goes from city to city without too much description has reminded me of the joys of visiting a foreign place without the headaches of trying to see too much in not enough time. After viewing your Pass 2, I felt as though I had just had a beer with a friend whom explained his or her vacation while spurring my interest in having a similar experience.
Your images support your purpose, which I found to be of the entertaining and mildly informative nature. Each picture aided your writings by allowing me to summarize the particular experience being discussed in terms of what types of memories were generated. By this I don’t intend to suggest that visiting the places mentioned would be so simply put nor am I suggesting that the images encapsulate the entire experience, but rather that they served to highlight and create an atmosphere of imagination through which I easily transferred myself into the narrator’s position; the images, in many instances can be perceived as the narrator’s most salient memories. Regardless of how accurately my “transfer” resembles the narrator’s true feelings about the experience, the story still serves an entertaining and informative function by allowing the reader to approach what could be a sophisticated travel experience in a non-shalant manner.
My advice for future passes would be to figure out a way to incorporate audio/video in a manner that either directly supports the images (assuming that they are serving the purpose of being presented as salient memories) or supports them tangibly by adding even more experience for the reader to enjoy.
What you have presented is extremely straight-forward and does exactly what you may have intended it to do. The advice I offer is to push it beyond a simple travel log into something more rewarding for the reader. I think your narrative is so true to life that the reader feels jetted around without focus, barely getting time to linger on the sensory experiences you describe. Consider trying to find a way to focus the narrative: one theme, one motif, one smell that lingers and returns to pull the entire piece together. Most readers want to be given a reason to keep reading; you might find a way to pull this out of what you have. Is there a certain lesson learned? A special memory that stays with you? An experience that stands out? Give the reader a build up to this and they will follow you through your travels, hanging on to every word.
Michelle,
What a fun read. Telling stories based upon our own adventures is something that most of us do on a daily basis. I have been to Europe, but never to Italy and I was able to get a good visual picture within my mind from your story.
I agree some with Debbie’s comments about having some of the clip art removed to make it more personal. Including real photographs may achieve the look you are going for, and if they don’t well, then it is only a suggestion. It is a travel journal, but was day 7 cut short? I felt that the reader is being jipped out of the truth to your travels…after all you have so many memories and love for the place from 12 years ago.
A journal is a unique way to tell a story, and one that very few stories utilize. It is great fun to read and look forward to seeing how you take it to a new level, are you looking to create and add an interactive map that would allow the viewer to dive deep into the Italian countryside? Good luck and look forward to seeing and reading the rest!
Michelle,
Ever since you mentioned that you were going to tell a story about your trip to Italy, I’ve been fascinated. I want to go to Italy so badly… I was supposed to go this fall with some friends, and it fell through… Someday…someday… in the meantime, I plan to live vicariously through your story, so I’m excited to see what images/audio/video you use!
As I’ve already commented on your proposal and your first pass, I’m going to look at your second pass today. I’ve already read it twice, and I love your use of pictures. I swear, just the image of the bread evokes the scent.
I have to laugh at your description of the toilets. I went to Japan a few years ago, and I remember my shock at what they called a toilet… sounds exactly like your “two elevated blocks with a drain hole in between”… now, try doing that on a moving train!!! Not fun. Ha.
I love the images of the flowers and scenery for Day 3. Everything just looks so beautiful! I also appreciate the images for Day 4, especially the salad and the pizza. This way, we Americans can get a better idea of the differences in our food names vs. ‘true’ Italian food.
I wish on Day 7 that you would have even just captioned each image to tell us what it was and what it meant to you.
So far, I think you’ve stayed very true to your original plan in your proposal. The cultural differences are clear and your way of explaining them is great. I especially like when you use images to show those differences.
I really have nothing to say “to make it better” because I think it’s wonderful so far. I’m really looking forward to seeing what it becomes as you add audio/video!
Marisa
Your travelogue was fun to read and I liked the way your broke the story down into Days 1-8, identifying the locations where the events occurred. Having spent time in Italy myself, your story brought back a lot of good memories and it was like reading the diary I kept when I toured Western Europe several years ago. Your use of “Ahhh” and “Urgh” not only added a tone of fun to the story but also succinctly described your reactions to different places and things.
Recommendations: Provide us with some background information on yourself and Thane and also identify your relationship with Thane. I would also include as many pictures as possible of you (and Thane) in the locations described. If possible, replace the clip art with photographs to maintain a consistency in the type of illustrations you use. Also, use only images that reinforce the locales you visited – for example, replace the picture of the bowl of salad with a picture of you eating the salad at an Italian eatery, and replace the picture of the white sneakers with a picture of you in the sneakers standing out in a crowd of people wearing dark clothing and footwear.
I haven’t seen your Pass 3, but I suspect you will include some video from your trip. You might also include a video of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, which is available online and downloadable at http://www.videossearch.us/watch.php?v=l9Y92uK4DM8&t=Sistine%20Chapel
For Pass 4, one interactive element could be links to websites that provide more information about the places you visited, like the Coliseum and Vatican City. Since your story is in MS word, you could use the Comments feature to imbed information on recommended restaurants and hotels in each city named.
Michelle Head’s “Travel Journal—Italy”
Hi Michelle,
Very well done! Your story provided me with more information on what to realistically expect on a trip to Italy than Hawthorne’s “The Marble Faun,” which I have relied on so heavily. The fact that your story goes from city to city without too much description has reminded me of the joys of visiting a foreign place without the headaches of trying to see too much in not enough time. After viewing your Pass 2, I felt as though I had just had a beer with a friend whom explained his or her vacation while spurring my interest in having a similar experience.
Your images support your purpose, which I found to be of the entertaining and mildly informative nature. Each picture aided your writings by allowing me to summarize the particular experience being discussed in terms of what types of memories were generated. By this I don’t intend to suggest that visiting the places mentioned would be so simply put nor am I suggesting that the images encapsulate the entire experience, but rather that they served to highlight and create an atmosphere of imagination through which I easily transferred myself into the narrator’s position; the images, in many instances can be perceived as the narrator’s most salient memories. Regardless of how accurately my “transfer” resembles the narrator’s true feelings about the experience, the story still serves an entertaining and informative function by allowing the reader to approach what could be a sophisticated travel experience in a non-shalant manner.
My advice for future passes would be to figure out a way to incorporate audio/video in a manner that either directly supports the images (assuming that they are serving the purpose of being presented as salient memories) or supports them tangibly by adding even more experience for the reader to enjoy.
Marc Love
What you have presented is extremely straight-forward and does exactly what you may have intended it to do. The advice I offer is to push it beyond a simple travel log into something more rewarding for the reader. I think your narrative is so true to life that the reader feels jetted around without focus, barely getting time to linger on the sensory experiences you describe. Consider trying to find a way to focus the narrative: one theme, one motif, one smell that lingers and returns to pull the entire piece together. Most readers want to be given a reason to keep reading; you might find a way to pull this out of what you have. Is there a certain lesson learned? A special memory that stays with you? An experience that stands out? Give the reader a build up to this and they will follow you through your travels, hanging on to every word.
Michelle,
What a fun read. Telling stories based upon our own adventures is something that most of us do on a daily basis. I have been to Europe, but never to Italy and I was able to get a good visual picture within my mind from your story.
I agree some with Debbie’s comments about having some of the clip art removed to make it more personal. Including real photographs may achieve the look you are going for, and if they don’t well, then it is only a suggestion. It is a travel journal, but was day 7 cut short? I felt that the reader is being jipped out of the truth to your travels…after all you have so many memories and love for the place from 12 years ago.
A journal is a unique way to tell a story, and one that very few stories utilize. It is great fun to read and look forward to seeing how you take it to a new level, are you looking to create and add an interactive map that would allow the viewer to dive deep into the Italian countryside? Good luck and look forward to seeing and reading the rest!