Suggestions:
1. Play with your and Thane’s points of view for Pass 3 (video and audio) or 4 (his and her interactive links) in all cities you traveled. You, a female-Art History major-former Florentine-Italian speaking person, you have a lot to offer in the areas of fashion observation, historical art background or highlights of important artifacts, cultural differences (“did you know” or “Do’s and Don’ts” notes), and simple survival Italian phrases. Thane, a first-time American visitor in Italy, he can share his encounter with the local people, the experience of using various transportation, the dining experience, and the insight of all places he visited.

2. Pass 4 interactivity
Option A – A map of all cities in your travel journal, a link for each city that will bring readers to a separate page which has more interactive links for that particular city.
Option B – Thane’s and Michelle’s interactive links, one on each side of the screen.
Option C – A collage of pictures or a grid of pictures (like Tic-Tac-Toe) of each city in your travel journal and each picture is a link to a separate page which has more interactive links for that particular city.

I hope my suggestions can offer you some ideas for your Pass 4 story development. Can’t wait to see your next pass, keep up the good work!

Chien-Huei Wetherington

I agree some with Debbie’s comments about having some of the clip art removed to make it more personal. Including real photographs may achieve the look you are going for, and if they don’t well, then it is only a suggestion. It is a travel journal, but was day 7 cut short? I felt that the reader is being jipped out of the truth to your travels…after all you have so many memories and love for the place from 12 years ago.

A journal is a unique way to tell a story, and one that very few stories utilize. It is great fun to read and look forward to seeing how you take it to a new level, are you looking to create and add an interactive map that would allow the viewer to dive deep into the Italian countryside? Good luck and look forward to seeing and reading the rest!

Hi Michelle,

Very well done! Your story provided me with more information on what to realistically expect on a trip to Italy than Hawthorne’s “The Marble Faun,” which I have relied on so heavily. The fact that your story goes from city to city without too much description has reminded me of the joys of visiting a foreign place without the headaches of trying to see too much in not enough time. After viewing your Pass 2, I felt as though I had just had a beer with a friend whom explained his or her vacation while spurring my interest in having a similar experience.

Your images support your purpose, which I found to be of the entertaining and mildly informative nature. Each picture aided your writings by allowing me to summarize the particular experience being discussed in terms of what types of memories were generated. By this I don’t intend to suggest that visiting the places mentioned would be so simply put nor am I suggesting that the images encapsulate the entire experience, but rather that they served to highlight and create an atmosphere of imagination through which I easily transferred myself into the narrator’s position; the images, in many instances can be perceived as the narrator’s most salient memories. Regardless of how accurately my “transfer” resembles the narrator’s true feelings about the experience, the story still serves an entertaining and informative function by allowing the reader to approach what could be a sophisticated travel experience in a non-shalant manner.

My advice for future passes would be to figure out a way to incorporate audio/video in a manner that either directly supports the images (assuming that they are serving the purpose of being presented as salient memories) or supports them tangibly by adding even more experience for the reader to enjoy.

Marc Love

Recommendations: Provide us with some background information on yourself and Thane and also identify your relationship with Thane. I would also include as many pictures as possible of you (and Thane) in the locations described. If possible, replace the clip art with photographs to maintain a consistency in the type of illustrations you use. Also, use only images that reinforce the locales you visited – for example, replace the picture of the bowl of salad with a picture of you eating the salad at an Italian eatery, and replace the picture of the white sneakers with a picture of you in the sneakers standing out in a crowd of people wearing dark clothing and footwear.

I haven’t seen your Pass 3, but I suspect you will include some video from your trip. You might also include a video of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, which is available online and downloadable at http://www.videossearch.us/watch.php?v=l9Y92uK4DM8&t=Sistine%20Chapel

For Pass 4, one interactive element could be links to websites that provide more information about the places you visited, like the Coliseum and Vatican City. Since your story is in MS word, you could use the Comments feature to imbed information on recommended restaurants and hotels in each city named.

As I’ve already commented on your proposal and your first pass, I’m going to look at your second pass today. I’ve already read it twice, and I love your use of pictures. I swear, just the image of the bread evokes the scent. I have to laugh at your description of the toilets. I went to Japan a few years ago, and I remember my shock at what they called a toilet… sounds exactly like your “two elevated blocks with a drain hole in between”… now, try doing that on a moving train!!! Not fun. Ha.
I love the images of the flowers and scenery for Day 3. Everything just looks so beautiful! I also appreciate the images for Day 4, especially the salad and the pizza. This way, we Americans can get a better idea of the differences in our food names vs. ‘true’ Italian food.

I wish on Day 7 that you would have even just captioned each image to tell us what it was and what it meant to you.

So far, I think you’ve stayed very true to your original plan in your proposal. The cultural differences are clear and your way of explaining them is great. I especially like when you use images to show those differences.

I really have nothing to say “to make it better” because I think it’s wonderful so far. I’m really looking forward to seeing what it becomes as you add audio/video!
Marisa